quarta-feira, 10 de agosto de 2016

Hi.
So this is a poem, sort of. It tells of my feeling as of right now.
A lot has changed since last posts. I'm proving that I only write when I'm sad. lol that's sad.


O menino libriano gostava de Alice, que não gostava dele. Então, o menino libriano tentou ficar com sua amiga, Gabriela. Entretanto, nada fez porque não sabia o que fazer.
Mais tarde, o menino libriano era apaixonado por Luma, que por sua vez, gostava de Nina. Não preciso dizer que isso não deu certo.
O menino namora a Ágata, mas gosta de Charline, que mora no paraná.

Por que não podemos nos contentar com o que temos? Porque não me contento com bela e interessante namorada, querendo jogar no lixo tudo que relevo, pelo gostinho da esperança de um novo amor.
Ah, os perfumes dos primeiros momentos da paixão descoberta! Ah, os primeiros raios de uma relação impossível!

Os raios da aurora já não parecem os mesmos. Talvez, outrora, teria acordado inquieto, pensando em alguém que não reciproca. Hoje é diferente; ou meu coração endureceu, que nem uma lâmina de grama prota para se quebrar na primeiro pisada, na geada do inverno; ou isso é a maturidade, meu racional aprendendo a lidar com o lado emocional.

Escolhas.
Para o menino libriano, escolhas não são escolhas, pois afinal, tu só tens uma opção. Se fosse uma escolha, poderia escolher mais de uma.

O libriano queria namorar Luiza e Ágata ao mesmo tempo, mas nenhuma delas gostou da ideia, acabou não escolhendo, e elas escolheram por ele. A primeira se retirou (ou foi expulsa) da vida dele em detrimento da segunda, o que foi muito dificil para ele. Era como se metade de seu coração tivesse sido arrancado fora, pela segunda, e dado de comer aos caẽs sem cerimônia. Jogado aos prantos e indecisões, não decidiu mais nada.

Esta na hora de acordar. Mais uma aurora vem raiando, depois do torpor do inverno. Chegam os primeiros sinais de calor com a beleza pura da prima. A minha prima Vera.

Ode aos tempos de Delfos, onde os librianos gastavam suas fortunas para alguém lhes dizer o que fazer, pois não se contentam com pouco.
O menino libriano só tem o google e amigos, nem um pouco tão místico e crível que nem o velho oráculo, porém mais humano e pessoal, onde se podem ter mais de um ponto de vista.
No final a decisão está mais relacionada ao momento. O que eu mais quero pra mim nesse momento.
Nesse sentido, a decisão por Ágata foi a escolha certa a fazer. Porém, agora o libriano se encontra em uma nova encruzilhada, onde deve se submeter a condição servil e se contentar com o amor conquistado ou, se elevar acima de sua estima e voltar ao mundo da sedução, a procura de uma nova aventura que lhe faça entorpecido durante os meses de calor.



Em novembro, a verei.
Em novembro! Que novela.
Durante quase um ano, alimentei a memória de seu doce sorriso.
Me derreti com suas doces palavras e cultivei sua amizade.
Ó ceus, será que ela vai me querer? Ó ceus, será que quero outra pessoa?
Ó ceus, será que tem alguém lá fora para mim? Porquê não me contento com o que tenho?

HNK.


sábado, 31 de janeiro de 2015

Some girls just try too hard!



     Last night we went to a party around 11:30, we poped a few pills and went for the bar to get ourselves some social lubricant. After a few minutes of the damn supperman pill kickin' in, my heart was already racing and I couldn't do nothing to ease it, I didnt feel like dancing to those rock n' roll songs, so we just sat in the terrace and smoked a few cigarretes before going back down to the party get some more beer and whiskey for me. 
      Later on, we were just standing there sipping our drinks and looking around and dancing a bit, even a fight broke down beside us and we werent really impressed. So we moved closer to the dance floor and everything changed. I saw the best opportunity I could have.
     She was sitting in a corner with her bleach blond hair and her white teeth that glowed on the black light, so I just sat beside her and asked "Can I sit here?". She said ok, so we talked I asked a question about the party or w.e, she asked me my name and we really got on really well.
     She also said she hooked up with another guy bofore hooking up with me, that didn't bother me at all and I said she could tell him to talk to me if that bothered him. After a few kisses and a lovely chat I tried getting her to dance cos' the pills were to strong to be seated, so I tried a couple times and she said the thing that is the motive for me to write again on the butthurt blog.
     Throught my mandelbrot life I've had a few girls test me with making me choose between my male friends and them, that has never worked well for me, cos' I will always choose my friends unless it's just a meaningless test that I have to pass on. I think in order to change that I need to have another posture. A posture of "fuck my friends" and "I like you more than anyone else".
     When she said that, I didn't think, I kissed her a couple more times and left without saying a word. I think there was a positive thing to do 1. because maybe she didn't want to be with me all night long, maybe cos' the guy she kissed was there 2. maybe cos' she didnt want me. And also it was maybe the worst thing to do cos' she was really into me, she even said I'm handsome a couple times. If I didn't leave and got with her all night and - Oh, man she was pretty! - We might have exchanged numbers and make this conquest last longer. I just wish I wasn't on drugs, I don't want to need drugs to get girls.
     After leaving her sitting there with her beautiful face and her glowing hair and amazing smile, She got up and went to see her friends and I never saw her again at the party. Moral of the story, there is none. I just found it would be a good story.
     All that happened after a entire day of listening to and playing this song:


"Some girls try so hard to impress you with the things they suggest to me."

domingo, 7 de setembro de 2014

I just don't know what to do.

So, here I am again, drinking my fav loneliness drink, orange juice and tequila this time hehe.
I came back from an awesome sunday afternoon with my long time frieds, one of them I hadn 't seen in a while, and I like them alot.
I skateboarded and we enjoyed a lovely sunset, doin' drugs, driving dangerously and listening to loud music.
When we were passing by the "calçadão" I thought I saw L**** but it turned out it wasnt her and I was glad. It's been like 4 months since I havn't seen her, but no biggie, I must work my way tru it.
Now I sit here, drunk and look at these pictures that I know I should've deleted a long time ago, but I can't just erase the most awesome times I've had in my entire life, I want to be able to look back to it and laugh like I do to the older posts when I couldn't get laid and suffered from great depression, now it's only mild but it hurts the same. I know what I should do, but I don't do it cos' it's not easy.
Writing helps alot. Good bye, thank you. I'ma' go vannish now. I want to scream, I want to see you, I dont know what to do.

She used to love me with a love that wouldn't die
Looking at her now, I can't believe I said goodbye
It would only take a minute to turn back the clock
She used to love me a lot
I remember how good it was back then
And I said "it's not too late to start again"
We could spend the night together, take off where we left of
She used to love me a lot
But I panicked as she turned to walk away
As she went out the door, I heard her say
"Yes, I'm in need of something, but something you ain't got
But I used to love you a lot"
I thought she loved me with a love that wouldn't die
Looking at her now, I can't believe she said goodbye
She just left me standing there, I've never been so shocked

She used to love me a lot

Here's some more!

This was an awesome day, we went out to the "Morro do Osso" which has a great view, and we took some beers and soda, cos' she didn't like beer.
We just sat down in the middle of the trees in a clearing and sat there cracking jokes and laughing, now that's a good memory.
She's so beautiful.
This is another great time we had. We ran away from her parents, at her beach house, north shore RS. I drank beer, she drank Guaraná, and we smoked a joint, watching the break and all the happy families at the beach.

I still miss someone.

Tell me what I'm supposed to do, With all these left over feelings of you

'Cause I don't know...



     So, since last post I haven't told you what happened. Yes, she became my girlfriend. We hooked up for the first time at my birthday party, a few weeks after we met, and in the beginning it was the most awesome thing, and mostly troughout. OFC it was hard sometimes, she had psicosis crisis and started to cry alot, and nothing I said or did helped. This times were the hardest, along with a few other times that we fought.
That aside, I felt mostly really good and I was even kind of "displicent", like everyone is, I guess. I didn't value what I had enough, until I lost it.
So I asked her to be my girl the 5th of January but we hooked up in october, we had a few major arguments but always got back together, and I think that was her inclination for blocking me on FB.
I know  this is stupid to think, but I really wanted to go back in time and get my shit together and stop being such an idiot to her.
When I started college, a lot of new people, and girls, came into my life, and she grew jealous and possessive.
One day, she was going to meet me at the campus, but she didn't show, I guess she didnt want to go and I respect that, I should've thought this way before, now I dont have a girlfriend. *Butthurt*
And when I said I was going to meet her, one of my best buddies convinced me to stay, because we were carrying beer for everyone so I didnt want to let him down, but I ended up letting down the person I loved the most.
All this thinking about the past, thinking how I could've done different, doesn't matter now, maybe it helps the process of learning, but it also hurts a great deal.


       This is bull crap, how can I miss someone that doesn't want to do anything with me anymore?
    How can I look into her facebook page even though she blocked me and all I can see is her profile pic.?
How can I feel bad and want to go back in time every single day, when I know we must live in right here, right now?


Can this girl, with this big smile, tell you to forget her when you clearly can't?
I wish I could call her, just to talk.
I guess I'll have to make myself better before doing that.


One day I'll call her and ask her out again, when I get my driver's license and start going to the psychologist again.
I'll call her and pick her up, if she wants, to go out for some sushi.


"When we get back together I'll take you to the places I never took you before.
I never took you to Marinha, or to the orla do Guaíba.









segunda-feira, 29 de outubro de 2012

Late Update

    So, I've realized that I only write on this blog when I'm mostly sad, but right now I just have nothing to do, I'm a bit sad 'cos i dindn't enjoy my sunday as I should've had. So tonight I've been drinking vodka and orange juice, my fav loneliness drink, and smoking cigarretes.
   Since last update, lots of things have changed, the girl that I thought was gonna be my girlfriend turned out to be a bitch, so I got rid of her.
    Now I met a new chick and her name also starts with "L" so I think this letter has something speciel with me, and I am in love with her already, I met her at these partys that we used to call "Rituals" but the main people of the party changed so we can't keep that awesome name, and I hate that. Now I'm getting sleepy, so I'll keep this brief.
     This girl is awesome, she's young, she's naughty, and she's the sister of one of our former members of the "Ritual" and he doesn't want me to be with his sister, so he's really mad.
      I keep thinking about her night and day, and I don't know what to do, I really want to make her my girlfriend, but there is no convention about this kind of crap, I just have to play along, so wish me luck and I'll try to update as soon as I feel bored or sad and you will know what I'm up to.
      I'm sorry that I cant write when im feeling very happy, 'cos im mostly enjoying it when I'm happy, and only write when I'm really sad, thats fucking depressing if you ask me, haha.

fuck you and here is a picture of her ;)